Originally posted 30 Jul 2018, 13:59 by Elizabeth A Neale
A few years after my chrysalis, I started seeing someone. A musician: kind, creative, passionate. We were young, but we thought we would be forever.
When the Dreaming was opened up to me, everything changed. I could fully see a world that until that moment had existed only in my head. It almost felt as though I wanted the Dreaming to exist so badly that it manifested itself for me.
Why couldn’t I show this magic to others? Why should they remain trapped in a banal existence, doomed to only dream of a Dreaming?
I have always been good with people. My chrysalis amplified pre-existing strengths. People trust me, they open up to me. I became intoxicated with learning about each and every soul trapped in a life of sameness, in a tired old routine. I tried to get them to bring the Dreaming to themselves, as I had, through music, art, living passionately.
These connections were often effective. They were incredibly intimate. He didn’t understand that. How could he? Suddenly a world we two used to imagine together was open to me, but I couldn’t reveal that. Suddenly I was spending time with others, forging intense and deep connections to try to draw the magic out.
His jealousy came on gradually; the bitterness and resentment followed suit. Our relationship became strained and uncomfortable. It absolutely reeked of banality, and I hated him for it.
When it became clear there was no salvaging things I ended it, and moved here. I haven’t seen him since. I don’t hate him anymore, though. He made me realize that the beginnings of love are some of the most magical times in existence. It is only once you let it simper on past its rightful end that it turns ugly. Beauty is life, and I crave it. I crave magic and dreams. I breathe them. I hunger for them. This is why the first stirrings of love are where I rest my head. Moving in together, splitting rent, cooking dinner, taking turns doing laundry, is not the world for me. Do I believe love conquers all? Absolutely. For a time.
You see, change is good.